21 weeks- carrot

Pony dear,

I got into a fight with some thong underwear the other day and lost.  It was a wretched battle and blood was shed on both sides however, a very good thing has come out of it.  I have finally surrendered to Granny Pants and have never been more comfortable in my entire life.  What was I thinking all these years?  These things are amazing.  And the cherry on the top of this cake is that your Papa apparently is big fan of the Grannies.  Who knew I could be so lucky??  I am married to a man that loves short hair and Granny Panties, on me.  It's like a dream come true.  I get to be comfortable.  After years of being a physical chameleon and contortionist based on what I hoped would attract a mate, I finally get to be just me and be with the mate of my dreams.

It's made me think a lot about something.  If your Papa and I were to have another child, I know it would be a boy, and I know he would be just like his Dad and there is a huge part of me that feels like I would be doing some sweet little girl out there a  ginormous disservice by not bringing him into the world so she can be loved by him.  I would never want to deprive another of this amazing experience.  Maybe I am crazy?  I am almost 38 and we swore we'd only have one, so we could still travel and have a life, and maybe we still will.  But it's hard being married to someone so amazing and not want to co-create with him. It just feels like the most natural right thing to do.

But maybe I should just wait and see how we do with you, my little Pony girl.  I am getting ahead of the game here.  I haven't even had you yet and look at me, I'm already 3 years down the road.  It's all about staying present, not one of my forte's.

You had the hiccups this morning.  It was super cute.  I love feeling you kick and squirm and do the robot dance inside of my belly.  It makes me glow all over.

I organized your clothes and room yesterday, you have already acquired quite the adorable wardrobe.  I wanted to cry folding your onesies.  I can't believe how small they are.

You have some amazing Aunties that can't wait to meet you.  And another little girl that was just born not too long ago- her name is Brixton and her mommy is Mimi.  You are going to love them, I just know it.

I gotta run to work now.  I've procrastinated enough and you just kicked the crap out of me- so here we go.

I love you Pony girl.  More than you will ever know.

xx
Mom