Week 12-Prune

Squirty squirt squirt...we heard your heartbeat again this morning.  However, it took a minute for the doctor to find it and during those treacherous 60 seconds your Papa said Dr. Cabrera looked like this:

I looked like this:

and Papa looked like this:

And then there you were, fluttering and galloping like the little horse you are.  I love hearing you, it makes me all warm and giddy inside.  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  After that we decided to have a real heart to heart with Dr. Cabrera about our intentions for a natural birth.  It was a very revealing conversation.  Apparently he's quite conservative and old fashioned.  It became clear early on that we had very different views on childbirth.  I won't go into the details but I will illuminate the turning point, it was when I mentioned that we were speaking with a doula.  His ears flattened like the horse that bit Grandma in Mexico and he immediately straightened up and proclaimed that he would not work with a doula, that it was too adversarial of a relationship and he wasn't interested in doing that.  To his credit, his honesty was refreshing and made the decision to seek another doctor so easy for us.  He even went so far as to refer us to a doctor he knew that did work with doulas and lo and behold it was the very same Dr. Wu at Glendale Adventist Hospital that I had been hearing about on the Boobie Brigade (which is this very informative yahoo group of mothers in and around Los Angeles helping each other out.)  He told us he wouldn't be offended in the slightest if we decided to switch and would do everything he could to make it an easy transition.  We walked out of there knowing for sure that he was without a doubt not the right OGGYN for us.  Funny enough, when I got into the car there was an email from a friend who just gave birth at Glendale Memorial (where Dr. Cabrera is) strongly suggesting we seek another hospital.  That she was convinced we would not have the experience we wanted.  I really think the Universe talks to us if we are just willing to listen.  So Dr. Wu it is!  According to Doula Tracy he didn't win any awards for his bedside manner in medical school but working with him at Glendale Adventist is much better then what we had.  I had no idea this stuff could get so complicated but I truly feel in my heart that this entire experience is a rites of passage for me, and possibly most women, if they choose to look at it that way, and that finding the right doctor and hospital, fighting for what I believe in intuitively and really trying to experience the entire process of pregnancy and childbirth as natural as possible without the aid of anything synthetic is extremely important for me to go through before I become a Mom.   That birth canal you are going to travel down you don't travel alone.  I travel it with you. It's my birth too.  My birth as an empowered, confident, decisive mother.  It's time to let go of the wishy washy young woman that has plagued me.  I hate feeling like a candle in the wind, so easily swayed by others opinions and thoughts of me and everything.  This is my time to stand up and fight for what I believe in.  And I believe in this. There is something so profoundly personal, delicate, sacred, and magical about this time and since I know it's only going to happen for me once, I want to make sure I do everything I can to make it as special as possible.

Here you are right now:

and here am I:

Two little peas in a pod.

Love,

Mom

Barrio San Vicente, Riva!!

We just returned from a lovely trip down to Baja California Sur, otherwise known as Mexico, to visit your Grandma Jill for Christmas.  She lives in a magic pueblito 50 miles north of Cabo San Lucas on the Pacific side of the peninsula.  She's lived there for over 13 years and has an amazing home with a gorgeous casita on it and tons of fruit and palm trees surrounding it.  She also has her own art gallery called Galleria Logan where she sells her own art.  It's the most striking building in the town.  I can't wait for you to see it someday.  You might see it in November, if you are strong enough to travel.  It is a truly magical spot in an otherwise arid desert, an oasis they call it, Todos Santos, All Saints.  You are going to love it.  I just know it.  Because your Papa totally fell in love with it and I have to tell you, seeing the town through his eyes was such a treat for me.  I felt like I was experiencing it for the first time, all the smells and sights. He isn't jaded by past escapades so I felt I wasn't jaded anymore either. My Mom has lived there over 13 years and I've been sober for 6 so when you are old enough, you can do the math on that one. However, seeing Todos Santos with fresh new eyes was truly one of the greatest gifts your father gave me for christmas, in so many ways.

Don't let me forget to give you some of the highlights of the trip; different hikes with the dogs every day either on a beautiful mountaintop overlooking the ocean or along a gorgeous deserted beach with whales breaching in the distance, delicious food all day and night, fantastic company (Jill has a bevy of entertaining, intelligent, warm, loving and generous friends to hang out with) and the cleanest air and water we've experienced in too long.

and here is a picture of your Grandma Jill painting:

you can check out more of her work at www.jilllogan.com

and this is me with you in my belly outside of our casita:

as you can see we are starting to show!  Which is super exciting for me.  I love seeing my belly grow and I can't wait till you get bigger and bigger and bigger and then pop!  out you come.  But in total Arrowyn fashion I have decided to read every single book and piece of literature on birth I can get my grubby little hands on which has served my anxiety well.  I want to do right by you in this process, and right by me, the only problem is, that I don't know what 'right' is yet.  Everyone has an opinion and they seem very passionate about whatever that opinion is.  As of today I want a Natural Childbirth in a hospital which I am learning, is probably the most challenging way to go of all.  However, we are meeting Dr. Cabrera again tomorrow morning and you better believe we have some questions for him.  We met our Doula Tracy last week and we love her.  She has short hair like me.  She seems to think we can have the birth we want even at a less then birth friendly hospital like Glendale Memorial.  So we will see.  I keep asking you what kind of birth you want, but you haven't answered me yet.  I'll keep educating myself in the meantime.

Pregnancy updates:  the nausea has been subsiding but we've added a new component- dizziness.  Totally fun to stand up really fast and see what happens!  Never a dull moment with you Squirt!

For some more pictures of our trip go to http://gallery.me.com/tim.husom#100099

and if you are bored out of your mind and have absolutely nothing better to do with your time then watch a video Papa took with his new Flip camera he got for Christmas from yours truly then check out it out at http://vimeo.com/18231812.  


In it you will see our favorite beach, Las Palmas, where wild horses run the beach and Grandmas sometimes get bit by them.  It was too cold to swim this trip, sad face, but next time we are there, swim we shall.  The ocean and the air are so clean it's breathtaking.

Yo te amo mucho mi hija.

xx
momma squirt

What's in a Name?

Here is the most recent Squirt name list:

1. Pony
2. Peetie
3. Etty

Please leave a comment if you have one.  We encourage dialogue.

*I personally am rather fond of Etty at the moment.

xx
arrowyn

Prune- Week 10

Oh Squirt- this one might be rather short.  I'm not feeling so good the past few days and today feels especially challenging.  I feel like I constantly have a low grade stomach flu and trying to work while feeling this way is so hard for me. I wish I wasn't such a baby about it but somedays I just want to stay in bed all day and have your Papa bring me treats.  Today is one of those days.

You are a prune now.  I love prunes.  I love their squishy goodness.  And they are never too sweet, that's another nice thing about prunes.  I don't eat them enough, I should eat them more now.  They could help with the erratic constipation I'm enduring.

it's pretty amazing that a little prune and a lot of carbs can create this belly:

So today, because of this belly and bum I had to pull out my first pregnancy wardrobe trick I read about- I took a rubber band and used it instead of the top button of my Levi's.  Unfortunately my jeans were cutting into what felt like you and that made me feel very uncomfortable.  But now we are all good.  You are snug as a bug in a rug and I can breathe again.  I tried on some hopeful new pants yesterday but was too terrified to move into the 30's and kept trying on my ole 28's and then 29's refusing to face the facts and leave the 20's behind.  I will have to make that step soon though or else I'll be wearing a mumu for the rest of this pregnancy.  

You are amazing Squirt.  I love you.  Your Dad loves you. Your parents love each other.  Life is good.  Keep doing your thing and I'll see you soon.

love,

mom

Green Olive- Week 9

Okay Squirt- two major developments took place this weekend.

One-you grew about an inch and are now not only the size of a green olive, but a fetus instead of an embryo.  Fetus being the Latin word for "little one."  You don't have a tail anymore and you can move your arms and legs, which is pretty cool, I bet, for you, finally.  Getting some mobility in there.  Go nuts!!

Two- Mommy chopped off all her hair at the persuasive recommendation of your father.  He seems to like short hair mommy quite a bit.  It's terribly cute and gonna be great for hanging out with you.  I'm not one of those girls that has ever gotten along terribly well with brushes, dryers, and curlers.  Short hair certainly suits my personality and always has.  No hair farmers here!

Let's see- what else?

You've been kicking up quite the hormonal storm these past few nights and it's been pretty rough.  I'm getting through the days pretty well but seems like once the sun sets it's progesterone party time and I keep thinking I'm going to projectile vomit all over Papa.  He's so sweet though, I know he wishes he could do something for me, I can see it all over his face.  He would vomit for me if he could.  But he can't.  So he gives me arm tickles and rubs my head, which is just as good.

My belly is bigger as you'll see below.  I keep telling Dad it's most likely just fat from all the Mac n Cheese I can't stop eating but he says it's all baby.  I have to tell you, I feel like I'm fifteen again eating Mac n Cheese.  It's been that long since I've indulged and I love it.  It makes me happy for some reason.  I made a lot of mac n cheese when I was little and taking care of myself.  Not as little as  you are now, but pretty little.  I became quite the pro.  It's a perfect balance between butter and milk, not too wet and not too dry.  Kraft is the best, although these days it's Annie's Organic.  Your Dad only wants the best for you even if it is boxed pasta.

Here you are:

and here I am:

And this is all of us together someday:

We love you, olive bear.  (I just made that nickname up)

xx
mom

p.s. it hit me in the shower today that I will have a husband and a child.  Whew!  And that I will be a wife and mother!  Labels are AWESOME and make me want to cry with gratitude.

Raspberry- week 8

Oh me oh my.  I'm not quite sure what happened from Monday to Friday but somehow your tiny little raspberry sized self in my now grapefruit sized uterus has made your presence unarguably known to the outside world.  My lower abdomen suddenly began protruding beyond ordinary measures in the middle of last week and in my slightly body-dysmorphic way has forced me to change my style.  I have left the land of skinny jeans and high boots and entered the valley of layers and flats.  Some days I might look like I am still in my PJ's but I don't give a shit, because it's East Los Angeles and I can do whatever the hell I want to.  That's one of the things I love about East LA, fashion is as fashion does.  Funny enough though, I just received one of the copious baby centric emails I've subscribed to that says- "Looking good during pregnancy."  As if there is such a thing.  Although your Papa says pregnant women are the most beautiful women in the world. Can you believe he said that?  How rad is he?  We lucked out, you and I, in the Papa/Husband department.  But I'm sure you already know that because he talks to you every night.

So here we are:

+

=

I'm kind of early to be showing as much as I am and I'm not sure why that it is, but maybe I'm just so damn excited about you I want the world to know.  I walk around now with one hand instinctively covering you.  I don't even notice I'm doing it until I do, then I laugh to myself.  For the girl who wasn't sure if she was ever going to get pregnant or have a baby, I sure am diving into this head first with gust and fervor.  This might make you laugh once you know me better, I called the birthing class instructor and emailed her last week and finally talked to her yesterday.  She said that not only was I very persistent but I was also too early to take her class, that I had to wait until her April sessions but that she really appreciated my enthusiasm and that if I wanted her to, she'd send me a list of literature I could entertain myself with.  She said most of her clients don't like a lot of reading but she had a feeling I would.  I get excited about things Squirt, what can I say?  And sometimes I can become a bit myopic in my quest for knowledge but I have a feeling you are going to be the greatest teacher I have ever met.  And I want you to know that I am totally practicing patience for you.  I was working with an Autistic foster kid yesterday and it was so hard, he didn't want to work with me, he was really negative, and I had to stick with him and keep telling myself, "It's not personal.  It's not personal.  Stay Patient.  Just stay with him..."  And I did and suddenly it felt like we broke through and actually started writing a story about Pokeman together.  Unbelievable.  I felt like I'd won the triple crown.  While walking back to our cars my co-worker Jason told me how great I was doing with this group of kids, that I really kept calm and held it together when the shit would hit the fan (they have a lot of emotional and behavioral problems, these sweet foster kids) and that he really liked Pregnant Arrow.  He said I was changing and he noticed and it was cool.

That made me want to cry because I want to be calm and patient for you.  So badly.  It's not something I have ever been but I know all my life experiences up until now have been preparing me to meet you and be the best Me that I can be for you.  It's so weird how that happens- I didn't even see it coming but it makes so much sense now.  Why I started working with kids and now foster kids especially...it's like the universe knew exactly the right challenges to give me without me having to try and 'self-help' my way into it.  I love it when that happens.

I love you and won't always be perfect but I will certainly try my best to always be authentic and present with you.

Big big big huge love,

mom