Sonogram!!

Squirt!!!!  We saw you and heard you for the very first time today.  It was incredible.  Our new OBGYN John Francisco Cabrera (he's Cuban) put the slimy stuff on my belly and then rubbed the machine thing on it and next thing we knew bam!  there you were in your little chicken like self.  You had a yolk near you and a rapidly beating heart outside of you. When he pointed that out he turned on the sound- did you know that your little heart is beating about 150 beats per minute right now?  It sounded like a flutter of resonating wings.  I cried and your Dad got so excited I thought he might hug Francisco.  We like our OBGYN, we decided, mostly because he is from Cuba and therefore, well, just cool.  He has this slightly nerdy demeanor that we are convinced will lighten up once he sees how charming we are and decides we are his favorite couple EVER that he has ever assisted in his 20 years of practice. We are going to make him love us with all the latin passion he can muster if it's the last thing we do.  Once your Papa finishes making a delicious salad for us tonight, he's going to scan the photo of you so we can put it up on the blog.  So many people are going to be so excited to see you too.  You look good Squirt, keep up the good work!

He did it!  Here you are....

On another note, your Dad and I are also planning our wedding right now and I wanted you to know something, that yes, you were conceived out of wedlock but not out of love.  Some may say that it was soon that your Papa and I decided to get engaged and have you after only four months of falling in love with one another but you need to understand something, relationships, at least for me, were like trying to find the perfect Prom dress.  I was at this giant department store, totally overwhelmed and underskilled for such a task but determined nevertheless to find that perfect Prom dress. I knew it was out there, I just had no clue how to find it.  So I began by trying a bunch of them on.  It was so confusing Squirt, each dress was so different yet so similar in so many ways.  It was like I had this idea of what the dress should look like so I kept trying on different variations of the same style and it just never fully fit right.  Some would fit better then others and I'd think- yeah, okay, maybe this is the dress!  But then after wearing it around the store for a bit the zipper would come undone or it would pinch in a weird place and then suddenly I'd realize it was totally the wrong dress for me and I'd get out of that thing as fast as I could.  Eventually it got so heartbreaking looking for this damn dress that I just gave up.  I sat crying on the floor of the department store, thinking I'll never go to prom now, when suddenly a friend of mine picked out this totally different kind of dress I'd never even looked at before.  It was a completely different style than I was used to and I was not sure it would even fit me, but after some urging I decided to try it on.  What did I have to lose?  And the most amazing thing happened, I put that dress on and the first thing I noticed, before I even looked in the mirror was that it was the most comfortable thing I had ever put next to my skin.  I ran my hands along my body and I felt like me. Like the me I'd always wanted to be.  It was like my second skin.  And when I turned and looked in the mirror I almost burst out crying because I had never looked so beautiful in all my life.  This dress hugged every curve in exactly the right way, it accentuated the positive and artfully hid the negative. It made me feel like a princess. It took my breath away.  I had never thought a dress like this, so sweet, feminine, and strong would make me feel this way.  My body was singing.  And that was what falling in love with your Dad was like.  OF COURSE I would buy the dress and you damn well better believe we are going to the prom.  We are going all the way.  We were meant to meet and marry and have you.  That's just how it is.  You don't argue with fate when it wraps you in it's warm embrace.

You rock squirt.  I love you so damn much it makes me cry just thinking about it.

xx
mom and dad

p.s. after the ultrasound and blood work today for some reason I was obsessed with having a whopper with cheese.  Now Squirt, I have never before in my life ever wanted a whopper with cheese or even come within 50 feet of a Burger King, but today that all changed.  Your Daddy said I deserved it after they took all that blood and I tell you, that whopper never stood a chance once I had it in my grubby little hands.  It lasted all of 5 minutes.  Very strange moment for me.  And one I hope we don't plan on repeating because I felt pretty gross the rest of the day burping that shit up and eventually puked before yoga.  So- interesting anecdote but hopefully the first and last of it's kind.

Blueberry- end of week 7.

We meet our potential OBGYN tomorrow morning and get our first look at you through Ultrasound!  I can't wait. I am so excited I might pee myself a little.  I got a little nervous today because my nausea hasn't been as bad and I was scared that might mean you had gone away, but no worries, I looked it up on line and it's totally normal for symptoms to come and go week by week or even day by day.  And then your lovely Papa went to find me a warm gooey chocolate chip cookie I was desperately craving and all he could find on his hunt was a peanut-butter m&m cookie and a double chocolate chip brownie and just a couple of bites of each made me want to lose my lunch so I knew, yup, we still got it.  And I still don't like peanut-butter cookies or double chocolate anything.  But I do love your Papa for braving the elements, it's colder then a witches tit in December outside right now, meaning it's below 50 degrees in Los Angeles, and pretty traumatic for me.  I can't get warm no matter how hard I try.  I can't seem to do much of anything either.  I feel super lazy and needy and that's hard for me.  But Dad reminds me it's the first trimester and I need to take it easy, that it's okay to be lazy for now, for once.  He's reading a book for Dad's about pregnancy and it's really endearing to see him take such an interest in you and how you are affecting my body.  He talks to you every night before bed, gives you and update on his day and stuff, but you already knew that, I am sure.

As lazy as I am feeling I did get to exercise all weekend and I have to tell you, your parents eat extremely well.  We spend the money to.  It's super important to us that as a family we eat organic, nutritious food- sans the cookies and brownies- of course, but that is a rarety.  Your Dad is a kick ass cook too- which I am sure you will appreciate as much as I do.  Anything he makes is absolutely delicious and so good for you.  He made a bean soup to die for this weekend.  We decided we needed to budget for you coming into our lives so we are packing lunches from now on.  I have a new craving for turkey and provolone sandwiches and nobody makes a better sandwich then your Dad. He said his own Father, Grandpa Fred, is the real master.  He once told your Dad that, "the beauty about sandwiches, Squirt, is that you can eat them everyday."  Words of wisdom.

Oh!  Your Aunt Jaime gave us a great name for you that I really like-  Sailor.

What do you think?

Sailor Husom vs. Pony Husom.

It's so odd, being pregnant, Squirt.  It's like my body isn't my own anymore. It's yours.  I am merely a vessel for you.  One of the books I just finished reading about fetal development ended with this line about parenthood:

We are meeting someone we know well for the very first time.

I burst into tears.  I can't wait to meet you for the very first time. I know your Dad feels exactly the same way.

Hang in there Squirt.  We love you.

xx
mom and dad

Still a Blueberry- Week 7

Oh my.  Last night was rough.  I don't know what happened or why but there must of been a surge of hormones at about 11pm that sent me running for the bathroom and drinking coca-cola, which is something I personally loathe to do, but was, however, encouraged to for nausea from none other then my nutritionist.

The seasickness made it really difficult to fall asleep so I lay there and listened to your Daddy breathing next to me and the hard heeled boots of our downstairs neighbor as he returned from his 'gig'.  I wonder if Tim and I should buy him slippers for Christmas, do you think he would get the hint?  He's the nicest guy in the world, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings.  But your Mom is sleep challenged and slightly neurotic, not the best combination for this situation.

I totally broke down this morning too. I couldn't help it.  I was in the shower trying to muster up some courage for the day and all I could feel and see was this body of mine changing in ways I can't control.  I guess I'm not one of those women that bask in the glow of first trimester pregnancy because the second I stepped out of the shower and your beautiful brilliant father walked up to me with that twinkle in his eye and asked me what was wrong I started crying.  He took me in his arms and told me it would be okay.  And he was right.  It is going to be okay.  Even more then okay.  I want you to know how happy I am to meet you and that I will do everything in my power to make sure you never inherit the same body issues that I have.  Growing up in Laguna Beach was a bitch, where puberty was punishment since most days revolved around surf, sand, and bikinis.  My body type was not revered. I struggled to accept myself the way I was even though I became a dancer and an actress.  Which was like putting gasoline on a fire.  I hate to admit that most of my life I have been on a diet.  I never want that life for you. The amount of time I have wasted worrying about my weight is a travesty.  No one truly knows the depth of the insanity it has taken me to.  Being a series regular on a TV show didn't help either. I was never skinny enough, pretty enough, or talented enough.  Even though I most likely was all those things.  It wasn't until I became a writer and worked with children did I find some respite from the obsession.  Yet, I still thought running a marathon would be a great idea.  Moderation is not my forte.  But I am learning and will learn for you.  Because I want you to have every opportunity to love and cherish yourself and your body as the sacred beautiful temple that it is growing right now, in my belly, to be.  I will remind you, like your Dad reminds me, every day, how beautiful, special, and wonderful you are.  Because when you are loved like that, the way your Dad loves me and will love you, everything changes and the world becomes a safer more loving place.  And I want that world for you.

I rambled a bit, I know.  I guess I just needed to.

Here is the latest pic of you:

Big love,

Mom

Blueberry- Week 6

First of all, because there has been some mixed reactions on the name Pony we bought a dictionary today that your Dad is combing through and finding all his favorite words in so he can write them all down on a very special list and hopefully create something totally adorable and unique just for you.  He's very determined and creative so I have no doubt it will be incredibly special. Although I told him, Pony is not off the table yet.

I was at your Auntie Vanessa's house the other day and my goddaughter, her daughter Mabel, who is 8 years old, gave you your first stuffed animal before I left.  It is a soft and snuggly little bear.  You have some really great Aunties that are dying to meet you and super excited I will finally be joining them in Club Motherhood.

I am very tired and  nauseous most of the time but have learned that if I eat every half hour something little then I can cope much better.  Which is great, except I am eating so much now that my pants don't fit, so we went and did a little shopping today so I can have some flowy cotton comfy clothes to wear.  I really don't mind though, because it's all for you and your Dad reminds me every day many times during the day that I am a beautiful woman to him and how much he loves the changes that are going on in my body.

I hope and pray that someday you marry a man like your Dad.  That would be my greatest wish for you.

You'll see, in time, I am certain, that all men were not created equal.

I love you I love you I love you I love you.

Mom

Three is a Magic Number - song

CLICK ME - A Song For Arrowyn and Squirt

Dodged A Bullet

I didn't want to tell you this Squirt, but I was really scared all weekend that I was going to have to deliver you in some strange hospital in China Town that I had never heard of.  I had anxiety dreams all night last night about trying to speak Chinese so they understood my birthing plan and all they offered me was green tea and bok choy.

However, the crisis has been entirely diverted and we have a new obgyn and hospital that our HMO approved.  His name is Dr. John Francisco Cabrera and you will be delivered at Glendale Memorial Hospital which has a fantastic reputation and our doctor now even has 5 stars!  The other doctor only had 2.  I almost lost it, but this is how rad your Daddy is.  He totally talked me down and reminded me we always have options, which I forget sometimes.  You have the best father in the whole wide world, Squirt and I think we are two of the luckiest girls in the world to have him in our lives.  I can't wait for you to meet him.

Anyway- I just had to tell you that because I want to run through Elysian Park laughing I am so relieved at this new twist and turn of events.  I really believe the Universe looks out for you if you believe it does.  And I do.

Lots of big love.

And by the way, the nausea can go away anytime.  I get it.  You are in there.

xx

Sunday- end of Week 5

This Sunday was an almost perfect Sunday.  We went to breakfast with your Uncle Dusty, who is my little brother that everyone in the family knows should of been the oldest, his nickname in high school was Old Man for Christ's sake, and his lovely wife Jaime and your cousin Asher, who is only two years old and probably one of the cutest two year old boys I have ever seen.  We ate at your Dad's favorite brunch restaurant in Silverlake called Dusty's (funny enough) where he always orders the Eggs Benedict with Ham because he knows it will never let him down.  Afterwards we came home and basically napped for the rest of the day while I tried to keep my brunch down.  I think my Morning Sickness has officially begun because I feel like I am on a boat most of the time and every once in a while a storm hits and then it's off to the toilet.  But I really don't mind, because in a weird way it makes me feel good. I feel like I am earning my badge of pregnancy and that it's real, you are for real, and that makes me super happy because I have never wanted anything more in my life then I want you and your Dad.

By the way- you have some rad Aunties.  Aunt Boller, an old friend of mine from way back when who knows way too many of my most embarrassing secrets, handed me down her maternity wardrobe tonight along with the nursing chair we'll be hanging out in and lots of other accessories too many to mention but when I showed your Dad made his eyes light up and bulge slightly with the realization I have while I am puking, this is real and there is no going back.

I met your Dad's older brother Todd, his wife Karen, and youngest son Keegan tonight on Skype and I have to tell you Squirt, you've got some incredibly wonderful people on both sides of this equation that you are just going to fall in love with when you meet them.  

And before I go- your Dad has a name for you.  He's been playing around with it all day,  tell us what you think:

Pony Patricia Husom.

I think it looks amazing. But it's really up to you.

Love,

Mom and Dad

wait- we are going to post pictures of the belly you will be growing in- this is the first:

Week 5- Day 4

Driving home from a horrendously bad movie that we walked out of tonight (Due Date with Robert Downey Jr. - Don't ever rent it) your brilliant papa had another one of his brilliant ideas.  He turned to me in the halo of the oncoming traffic lights and said, "Hey Honey, why don't we write a blog to squirt?"  I replied, "Genius.  Let's do it."  So here we are, at home, it's a balmy 64 degrees outside, I can't seem to get warm no matter where I am, your father just downed another bag of Nutthins and Hummus and I've had three dark chocolate covered caramels while we figured out this whole blog stuff.

Now let's get started:

Here is what we know about you at this moment from the various books we've read.  You are the size of a sesame seed and look more like a tadpole with a miniscule beating heart.  You have made my boobs grow into insane proportions and feel like alien boobs to me, but have made Dad really happy.  He appreciates you doing that.  I'm starting to find certain foods revolting, like the lovely little turkey and nut-butter brown rice tortilla wraps I once loved.  The thought of them makes me want to barf.

We can't tell you enough how excited we are to meet you one day not so far away.  We wanted you more then anything and worked extremely hard to make sure that you could come into the world and be with us.

We were going to name you October but decided it had too many syllables and no good nicknames.  No way in hell we were going to allow you to be called Toby.  We love you too much for that.

So for now you are Squirt.  But don't worry, we'll find your real name.  You just need to direct us towards it.

Your Dad wants to make sure that you know Squirt is not from Finding Nemo but from his childhood nickname given to  him by his father.  So it's all in the family.

Before we retire for the evening in our little tree house on the hill in Echo Park we want you to know something very important, that we love you and always will.

Mom and Dad